Day and Night

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night."
Psalm 1:2

I love to write. And I haven't in a very long time. Recently some friends of mine decided to make one of my poems into a song. The problem is, my poems weren't really meant to be songs. So I've been writing again. And it's great.
I love God's word. But I haven't acted like I love God's word in a very long time. Recently God has been drawing me back into His word. The problem is, I have a lot of bad habits to occupy my time. But I've been reading again. And it's great!

Psalm 1 - My prayer
I want to meditate on; savor, chew, swallow, and digest Your word.
May I be like a tree
A tree firmly planted by streams of water
A tree that never needs to fear drought or getting uprooted
A tree that is useful
A tree that is bountiful
A tree that blesses others with gifts
    -gifts that delight
    -gifts that refresh
    -gifts that do no harm, only nourish.
And may I radiate joy
And visibly and internally be an image of health;
An object of Your blessing. Without the blemish of sinfulness.
And may I serve You, my Lord, and prosper in all that I do.

He's Holy

Do I believe what I profess to believe?  Philippians 2:12 says to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.  I want to be taken so much deeper in my understanding of my faith.  God, the King of kings and Lord of lords, is with me, in me.  Do I tremble at the thought?  I want to.  I want it to mean something.  The veil is torn, I cannot hide.

There are some people who get it.  I don't get it, but I've seen people that do.  I think the guy performing the linked songs, the guy that wrote the lyrics to those songs, gets it.  You should give him a listen.  Free downloads at http://whoismatt.com/curtvernon/

"Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:14

I don't typically rant.

I have a homosexual friend.

"What?!"

Yes.  I have a homosexual friend.  And the hardest thing about having this homosexual friend is not that I have to pretend to be nice to him, because he's really a great guy.  The hardest thing is watching him be mistreated by 98% of the christians he knows.

My friend is a christian, a follower of Christ.  He actually outshines many of the believers that I know in kindness, generosity, love, friendship, evangelism, and many other things.  But it's really hard to be a believer when you can't rely on the support and companionship of a community of believers.  This friend is currently living a celibate life, but because he can't find the straight switch, he is alienated.  Who does he turn to?  He turns to the people that accept him and are willing to be involved in his life as much as he is willing to be involved in theirs.

For anyone thinking about being my friend.  First consider...I sin...often.  But I don't have to dwell on my sin.  When I turn my back on Christ for a moment, and then turn to follow Him again in repentance, I don't have a crowd of people throwing my past in my face, telling me how much of a sinner I am, unfit for the Kingdom.  No.  I know that my sin is not me; I am not a slave to my sin, it does not rule my life.  I live in the freedom of Christ's sacrifice, not my own good deeds.  I can only boast in Christ.

And what pisses me off is that a brother of mine is being driven to spend his time outside any community of believers.  It's lonely being an island; it's not the way Christianity works.  Alienation is a vicious cycle.  You drive him away, he develops extremely close attachments with the people that actually do accept him, and you drive him further away because you don't approve of his close attachments.

Be a friend, not a pharisee.  You just might save someone's life.

a history of brett

God pursues His people.  He pursued Israel, He pursues me.  And what makes that so much more amazing; I'm nothing special.

I don't know how much of our personalities we are born with; how much of who we will become is predetermined by genetics, but the way I learned to see the world (my worldview) seems to be largely environmental.  I was born into a fully-functioning, already established family; the fourth child.  My world instantly became what their world already was.  There was no void that needed to be filled, I learned to fit in.  The things that my young mind decided were important to my family became important to me.  From the onset God was pursuing me.

My family was religious.  That much was EASY to see.  For some reason my parents went out of their way to be obedient to God.  We attended a church called the Worldwide Church of God and attempted, along with the rest of the church, to follow a number of the bible's old testament statutes.  We attended gatherings during the feast of tabernacles, actively made Saturday our Sabbath, abstained from eating unclean foods like pork or shrimp, didn't celebrate Christmas (or other 'pagan' holidays), etc.  We traveled to the next county to attend a church that none of my friends, neighbors, or extended family attended.  If we weren't going to be able to attend church, my dad would host an impromptu family service during that week.  My family was religious.

And so, if nothing else, young Brett's mind was cemented with an importance placed upon following God.  Following God was important to my dad, important enough to set our family apart from most other families that I knew.  Following God became important to me.  BUT... my God was a God of rules and punishment.  I feared Him like I feared my dad.  I was determined to be good.

give this a listen

A friend of mine recommended this series of sermons to me.  The sermons are on the book of Habakkuk, and so far, they've been very good.  Habakkuk has complaints and questions about the way events are unfolding; God hears and responds.  Click Here

righteousness

In the book of Matthew, chapter five, Jesus says that our righteousness must surpass that of the Pharisees.  I think in our society that it’s the typical interpretation to believe that Jesus is talking about being ‘good’.  The focus of the Pharisees was always an adherence to Mosaic Law, and they were exceedingly adept at their form of ‘righteousness’.  The Pharisees had rules to help follow the rules.

“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”  –Matthew 5:20

Christians continue to place a very high level of importance upon righteousness, for good reason.  The bible constantly speaks of and demands righteousness.  Why?  Because God can have no part with lawlessness; He can have no part with sin (1 John 1:5 and Habbakuk 1:13).  The bible is very clear that sinners will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9-10).

If you continue reading Matthew 5 Jesus takes righteousness to a level beyond what even the Pharisees had practiced, laying out a standard that no man can keep.  Jesus points out that righteousness is not just about what a man does with his hands, it’s about the motives in his heart (not merely external, but internal).  Later, in Matthew 23, Jesus berates the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.  You should read it for yourself.  I think that the hypocrisy that Christ points out in the Pharisees is the same hypocrisy that both non-christians and Christians alike see in the church today.

What do Christians seem to get wrong, time and time again?  That grace and righteousness are gifts.  Time and time again I have to remind myself, righteousness cannot be achieved through will-power.

20 If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, 21 “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” 22 (which all refer to things destined to perish with use)—in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? 23 These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.  –Colossians 2:20-23

Sin is not something you or I can overcome by shear will.  But you must understand that sin is a joy thief.  Christians have not been granted a license to sin, we are to follow Christ’s example.  Attacking sin head on with will-power can only result in either pride or fear/shame (think about the Pharisees).  Success leads to pridefulness; and failure leads to defeat, shamefulness, and a sense of low self-value.  The grace that Christ offers is free.  His gift of righteousness is free.

17 For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. –Romans 5:17

The church must grasp that life in the kingdom of God begins now.  It begins when we decide to live for God’s glory.  Jesus recruited followers, people to be disciples of His.  There is abundant joy to be had in this life, now.  Follow.  Are you living for the glory of God?  I just began reading a book entitled ‘Celebration of Discipline’ (I’m trying not to copy it verbatim as I write).  It’s a book that teaches spiritual disciplines.  If seriously strong will-power won’t trailblaze the path of righteousness, what will?  Living life for the glory of God.  It’s what we were created for; the opposite of sin.  Foster your desire for God, thirst for Him, seek Him and be free.

10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, [a]Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” –John 8:10-11

Trust God

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

God has been speaking this to me the last couple of days.  And it feels good to be receiving a message from God.  I pray that He continues to allow me to hear what He is speaking into my life.  And that He gives me the grace to receive it.  I've been going through one of the most difficult periods of my life.  And I've been trying to hide it because one thing I don't want to appear to be is someone who pines after something that is irrevocably gone.

But this season of my life has been a blessing.  And I think that it will continue to be a blessing because I am trying to use these trials to develop a longing and desire for growth in my relationship with the Lord.  He isn't going to spurn my efforts.

I have been feeling the need to get to know some older, wiser men.  On Sunday an older man that I admire for his kindness and gentleness invited me to join a group of men in a bible study that they have every other Wednesday.  I took him up on it. It sounded great to me for a number of reasons. There were six of us total and we discussed the book of Romans chapter 15.  During the discussion I was able to hear the testimony of one of the men. I certainly misjudged him.  He spoke of his life and his endeavors to serve the Lord. He shared a story centered upon one thing, an unwavering faith and trust in God. After starting multiple well-meaning ministries aimed at helping those that need helping, he finally started one that works. He started a ministry offering free addiction rehabilitation. His story showcased God's provision and God's lack of provision toward each of these endeavors. Man supplies the effort, his highest level of work ethic, and God will either provide for the ministry or He won't.  But you have to give it your best effort.  If it doesn't succeed stop, pick yourself up, and do something different. It's that simple.

Today I experienced so much encouragement from so many places.  From the music playing in the restaurant at lunch to a couple of honest and open conversations with coworkers and eventually to a conversation with the pastor of Morgantown Community Church, God has filled my day with peace and encouragement.  God is reaching into my life and asking for a response from me.  He's asking me to seek His kingdom above my own.  He's asking me to trust His hand in my life even if I don't understand why certain things are happening.  So far I am amazed.

So come, join me in following the Lord.  Be a part of His Kingdom now, on earth.  It is not some distant place that you must die to see.  It's here now!  It is life and freedom from bondage; it's freedom from darkness and despair; it's grace every day, something free that you could never have earned.

Yet

For some reason Jon Foreman and I have always identified.  Yet.

Pure Motives?

I have a lot of personal motives; I'm human.  I've never been a particularly selfish person; at least I haven't thought so.  But at this time in my life I may be at my most selfish.  I actually think I'm writing this blog for selfish reasons (especially since no one is reading it).  Anyways, it's just another one of the many things I'm working on.

This past weekend I headed up to Louisville to attend Sojourn Community Church.  And my motives for that one were dual.  I love to learn from that church and worship with the people there.  And I had also not seen my friends in that church for a long time. In yesterday's note I mentioned that the first of the ten commandments is to have no other gods before God.  And that got me thinking... In the new testament (Matthew 22:34-40 or Mark 12:28-34) Jesus is asked about the foremost commandment.  The foremost commandment, he says, is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind".  If I'm loving God in that way, with everything, I can't be putting anything before Him.  But Jesus goes on to say, "The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments depend the whole law and the prophets."

After church I went to eat with my friends and as I was leaving a man asked me if I could trade him $3 for $3 in loose change.  I made the trade.  And I talked to this man.  I talked to him because talking to homeless people is what I do.  But I didn't want to.  Nobody hung around to talk to him with me.  I think we have all learned that you don't get anywhere when you talk to the homeless because they don't appear to listen.  And we're results oriented/easily discouraged.  I walked with him a little ways, found out about his life and his hurts.  I asked about his reasons for being homeless; I asked him if he had substance addictions.  I tried my hardest to be a good person; but my heart wasn't in it.  I didn't love this man and I didn't show him love.  The whole time I talked to him I was looking over my shoulder, wanting to rejoin my friends so I could say good night.  I was even wanting them to see me speaking to him...wow.  And I know I came off as phony.  I represented God's love to this man without a care for him or his salvation.  I prayed for his injuries, prayed for provision.  And then I walked away having only offered him 15 minutes, $3 and a prayer.

I don't mean to be a downer; at least not totally.  I'll have to write a blog on God's grace in the future.  That will be a good one (or two, or three, or all of them).  I forgive myself, but I want to learn from my mis-actions.  I'm not trying to beat myself up, only to have an improved perspective.  I'm not commanded to pretend to love others.  I'm commanded to love others.  Good deeds done for selfish reasons aren't good deeds.  They give the wrong impression.  Christ loves people.  The Lord desires for this world to change.  The Lord desires for all people to know Him and be fulfilled in Him.  All creation groans in anticipation of a day when the world is free of sin, of pain, of sorrow.

Idols

I enjoy reading books, but I don't always finish them.  A while back I had been reading 'Counterfeit Gods' by Timothy Keller and today I finished it.  I'm glad I waited until today because it's hard to acknowledge idols.  Hard because identifying idols means you must confront that these things are indeed idols and then take away their power by making them less important or obsolete.  But for myself, I've enjoyed my idols and refused to make change.  The first of the ten commandments given to God's people in the book of Exodus says, "You shall have no other Gods before Me."  That is harder than it should be.   Especially because I've tried other things - and they have never fulfilled.  I've never physically bowed to a created idol, but I'm an idolater of the heart.

Tim Keller finishes 'Counterfeit Gods' by talking through the story of Jacob.  Jacob's story can be found in Genesis 25-50.  Jacob, Keller describes, is a man desperately seeking a blessing; approval.  Jacob is the younger son by moments, grasping onto his brother's leg as he left the womb; a foresight into Jacob's future.  Jacob continues the quest to take his worth and prominence from people around him.  And they're not qualified to give him what he's seeking.  Jacob takes his older brother's birthright, a blessing from their father.  Jacob flees to his mother's family where he works tirelessly for 14 years to marry Rachel, his uncle's daughter, and does not find what he seeks in her.  

Jacob is constantly struggling and wrestling for some sort of validation in the world.  History is permanently affected by his pursuits.  And, when he feels that his deeds are going to catch up with him.  When his brother and a small army are bearing down on Jacob and his tribe - Jacob retreats to a quiet place by himself.  And in that quiet place Jacob encounters God or, more accurately, God shows himself to Jacob.  God met Jacob where Jacob is.  Desiring to be that which He deserves to be, God placed himself as the object of Jacob's focus.  And Jacob wrestled with God.  That night Jacob sought His approval in God.  When the Lord had overpowered and beaten Jacob, dislocating his hip with a touch of his finger, Jacob continued to hold on, demanding a blessing from his opponent.  What other blessing do I want?  What other blessing am I seeking?

God has reached out to me.  My God has met me where I am, broken, alone, hip-dislocated.  And He has offered me that which I most need, Himself.  I pray that I can hold on.  Bless me, Lord.

(This doesn't mean I have to enroll in a monastery and meditate in silence for the rest of my life.  The Lord asks us all to do different things.  I just need to remember 'why'.)

"Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father."

Colossians 3:17

A beginning

I've recently been inspired to blog.  My past aversion to blogs stems from the fact that I tend to take pride in the things that I write.  With that pride comes multiple fears; there is a fear that nobody will like what I write and there is a fear that I will write solely for the self-glory of having a well-read blog.  That being said - I feel the need to be honest with the world.  And, knowing that my gifts don't include the ability to stand on a soapbox and speak publicly for you all to hear, or even to have video blogs, this medium of text will be my outlet of honesty.  I've always enjoyed writing.  I hope you'll enjoy reading.

I'm a follower of Christ and as such I have been gifted with the motivation to seek out God's will in my life.  I'm relatively new at that, although I've been a 'Christian' my whole life.  I'm not ashamed of where I am; this isn't the blog of a pastor that has it all together, my words won't always be profound and my ideas won't always be original.  God's will for me.  My purpose.  I've been seeking that answer off and on for six years now.  Years ago I heard pastor Andy Stanley of North Point Community Church in Atlanta say that you have to decide who you want to be before you decide what you want to do.  And that made sense to me.  But the person that I decided to be was a person who was 'good'.  I wanted to be a man that people respected, a man that people could count on to do the 'right' thing.  I wrote out a list of all the qualities I wanted my future self to have.  Things like being honest, trustworthy, dependable, etc.  But I set myself up for failure.  I set myself up to lose sight of why.  Why do I want to be that person?  I can look like that person without actually being that person, so why put forth the effort of trying?  And I stopped trying.

Recently I've been listening to a series of sermons by Josh Scott, the pastor of Morgantown Community Church.  He's been speaking about a person's 'calling'.  What is God's purpose or plan for your life?  The primary purpose of your life is to respond to God.  As human beings we were created for God's glory, our lives are not complete without Him.  So start a relationship with Him.  Read His written word, pray to understand Him and know Him so that you may love Him, and give Him the glory and honor that He deserves.  This is key.  Without this relationship I could never become that person that I had resolved to be.  I have wanted to look as if I have a relationship with God - without actually pursuing a relationship with God.  Not giving glory to God is sin, and in sin you will follow your flesh.  Before you decide what to do, seek God.  Seek His kingdom and His righteousness.

In the past eleven months God blessed me with the heart of one of His daughters.  And I was trying to be the man that I wanted to be, who wouldn't love an honorable man?  She loved me.  I loved her.  And I enjoyed having that part of my plan all figured out.  Things just seemed to keep falling into place for me.  I graduated, got a job, and imagined my future.  I now realize that I had idolized our relationship.  I put so much pressure on both her and myself that neither of us could ever live up to my expectations.  Suddenly it's all over and I'm dumbstruck, because I imagined that I deserved her.  I imagined that I deserved a great many things that I have never earned.

Now I'm back to the beginning, I'm back to my primary calling.  And I can only thank God that He has allowed me to get here.  Now I can take the time to figure out my secondary calling, the thing that I do with my life to glorify my Lord.  For all that He has done for me I will serve Him with my talents and my passions.  What is it that I'm passionate about?  Does the world need someone to fill that role?  Perhaps the world needs another honest Christian blogger.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 6:33


Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
2 Corinthians 3:17


 ¹ Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, ³ being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3

He Who Has Ears

Will You speak to me Lord if I never ask?
And could I hear you without ever listening?
It's always seemed ideal to expect much for little
You are such a very big God, after all.
But don't I want to ask! Don't I want to listen!?
You are the merciful Creator of all; who numbers my hairs!
That You would want me is too joyous a thought
So if You would speak to me, I want to hear
Teach me to ask, encourage me to listen
Let my desire be for You; to walk with You in obedience.
Set me on paths of righteousness; all else is death.

He Will Level Your Path

Life is moving

And this is no stroll

This is fast; a sprint

And it’s been uphill for as long as I can remember.

I’ve never had any idea where I’m going

And I’ve never wanted to stop.

23 years of aimlessness.

I’m exhausted.  Praise God that I am tired!

He becomes my strength, and He levels my path.

I can see it stretch before me.  For the first time I know where to go!

There!  My path is solid and flat.  Laid out by God!

But with my new sight I gawk.  This path only leads so far.

Ahead.  Nothing.  My climb has ended.

Life is moving

It will not stop.

I run full-speed towards a precipice

What happens when I get there?

A leap of faith!  I will trust in my God, my Rock.

He will provide a path for me.

He will provide a path.

Hosea 10 – He comes to rain righteousness on you.

Darkness rolls across the sky

The billowing storm clouds creep steadily forward

They are welcome.

The strong breeze tearing through the trees is welcome

I welcome them.

Chattering birds and blue skies head to the horizon

Can’t they see that this storm is beautiful?

Might, power, majesty; unstoppable.

I relish the cool; a relief from earlier heat.

Fearful and beautiful, this aspect of creation

Creation; a reflection of its Creator

Lord I cannot imagine Your splendor!

What wonders are Your might and power?

What can be called majestic next to Your majesty?

Roll across my sin-scorched sky

Bring Your wind and Your rain

And awaken my senses

I welcome You.  I want You

Help me to love You Lord.

Prodigal

I wrote this poem years ago and until this time have kept it to myself.  I will post more soon, I pray that they can be an encouragement.  We pursue so many worthless things yet the Lord is willing to redeem us.  Grace!

Why do I not fear You, Lord?

Like a son with no respect,

I have greedily accepted the life and provisions You have offered,

Yet I deny Your position in my life,

I deny Your authority.

I take Your love, Your grace, and Your mercy,

I drink deeply of the freedom You have paid dearly for,

I devour Your treasures, relishing them.

Then I spit them back at You as though both You, and they, are worthless to me.

I walk away from glory as if it is a meaningless bauble,

And my wicked heart embraces meaningless baubles as though they are glorious.

But inside I am still the son that gratefully accepted Your love, grace, and mercy.

And I am angry, because I know the weight of my sins.

My regrets could tear down mountains, or pull the earth inside out.

Within me there is despair, because I have hoped in my selfishness

And cannot hope to have hope again.

I have squandered my inheritance on prostitutes,

I stood on every high hill and under every green tree as a harlot,

And gave away that which is undeniably Yours; my praise, my adoration.

Time after time, again and again, I spat in Your face.

What have I?  What did I ever have?

Even my arrogance and pride have been stripped bare.

Everything I am is from You. And You are my sustenance.

There is nothing unalienable.  Apart from You, I have nothing of worth.

And though I should not hope to have hope again,

I remember Your kingdom where I sipped sweetly of Your grace.

I begin to seek that kingdom, and I trust, as I wait longingly,

That through Your power my soul will never again despair,

My iniquities are covered by the death of Jesus Christ,

And I will drink of Your love, Your grace, And Your mercy on every high hill and under every green tree.

And I will never thirst again!